Family Support
Introduction to Family Support
Support for family members when a parent or someone else close to them has cancer is very important. There may be a wide range of emotional responses experienced for everyone involved. Below are some suggestions about things you may want to think about before talking to other family members so that you may be better prepared for the questions and reactions they may have. Most of the suggestions are written for parents or carers interacting with children or teenagers: however, the ideas may be helpful to consider for conversations with any family member.
Please follow the links to each section below to discover a range of support and resources that are available. You know your family members best: consider which may be most appropriate for each person:
The Macmillan Family Support Worker (Colchester Hospital) provides emotional and psychological support to children/teenagers and their parents when someone close to them has a cancer diagnosis
A range of information, resources and organisations providing support that may be helpful for children and teenagers when someone close to them has a cancer diagnosis
Access the ‘Children’s Books’ section of this website for books and resources that might be a helpful aid when talking to children about cancer.
Before you consider talking to your child or teenager
First, gather your questions and thoughts. For example;
What do you want your child or teenager to know? Do you have all the information you need? Who should have this conversation with my child or teenager? How do you think your child or teenager may react?
When is it best to have this conversation? For example;
Is this the right time for you? How are you feeling right now? Is it too late in the day? Are the children around, are you likely to get disturbed? If the conversation is going to involve more than one adult, can all be available?
Gather a pen and paper
Set yourself some quiet time to find the most relevant information you need for your children and teenagers, think about what their emotional reaction might be, and what additional support might be useful to consider at this stage.
Here are some additional suggestions of areas you may find helpful to consider when talking to your children or teenagers:
Think about the relationships between the child or teenager and you or the person that has the cancer. Which adult or adults would be most appropriate to talk to the child or teenager? Should the person who has a cancer diagnosis be involved in the conversation?
Think about the ages and personalities of your children or teenagers. If you have more than one child, consider if it may be better to talk to them together or separately.
Think about each child’s personality. How might they react? Are they likely to ask lots of questions? Are they quiet and shy? Are they normally emotional, dramatic, cuddly or more likely to go off on their own and need some time to themselves?
Have they had to cope with anything like this before? If so, how were they then, and what coping mechanisms worked best for them?
Do they know what cancer is? Do they know someone else who has had cancer? Have they seen anything on TV about cancer? Remember cancer is unique to each person and cannot be compared; they may not realise that.
Think about how you might respond if you are asked if the person with the cancer diagnosis is going to die. We know from experience of talking to children that this is a question that is often asked.
Does your child have any additional needs and might they need extra support? If so, we can signpost you to appropriate support (see link above to the Macmillan Family Support Team for contact details).
Consider how much information you think it may be appropriate to offer to them before each conversation
Think about having something like a leaflet, book etc that might help them and you to look at while you are talking to them, or if appropriate, giving them something to take away and look at later. There is a list of books here that may be helpful. If you are going to provide a leaflet or book, we suggest that you read it first to make sure you feel it is appropriate for them.
Resources
Fruitfly Collective
Fruitfly Collective has a small core team of scientists, clinicians, artists and designers who collaborate with a range of experts to help build new ways to support children, adults and families affected by cancer.
Pip’s Kit
Pip’s Kit support children aged 5–10 years who have a parent or carer with incurable cancer or is in end of life care. Pip’s Kit helps children understand what dying and grief mean; provides ways of coping; gives ideas on how to collect family memories, and helps families communicate. To order one, click here.
The Cancer Clouds
The Cancer Clouds are an award-winning group of toolkits created for children, or young people, who are affected by their parents being diagnosed with cancer. There are three different kits designed for three different age ranges.
Each kit contains an age-appropriate set of tools designed to help children or young people to understand what cancer is, the treatments given, and the side-effects they may cause.
There are also tools to help improve communication within the family, practical tools to help manage changes in the family’s routine, and tools that explore the emotional impact a cancer diagnosis brings. To order one, click here.
Website: Fruitfly Collective
Specific resources for children: Help for young children — Fruitfly Collective
The Osborne Trust
The Osborne Trust is the only national charity dedicated to supporting the children of a parent going through a cancer diagnosis, cancer treatment, cancer recurrence, living with incurable cancer, a death of a parent from cancer & beyond.
The Trust has been specifically set up to offer emotional and practical support to children aged 18 years and younger of a parent diagnosed with cancer.
Website: www.theosbornetrust.com