Helping you to support your children/teenagers
This page contains a range of resources and information about organisations providing support that may be helpful for adults supporting children and teenagers when someone close to them has a cancer diagnosis. We do ask that if you choose to share any of the links or details from this website with your child/teenager that you check that the content is suitable for each of them first.
There are some really useful activities, videos, forums and closed Facebook pages suggested on the websites. Please remember that your child’s safety is paramount, so do ensure they know how to stay safe when online.
Before talking with young people | Autism | Resources for emotional support and wellbeing | Mindfulness | Young Carers | If someone close is near the end of their life or has died | For teachers
Preparation: Before talking with young people
Both Macmillan and Cancer Research UK have a great range of information to help adults prepare for talking to children or teenagers when someone close to them has a cancer diagnosis. Reading through these webpages should give you encouragement to have conversations that are at a level appropriate for each young person, covering, for example, emotional support, how to explain what cancer is, their reaction to conversations and questions that you may be asked. See below for further details and links to these webpages.
Understanding how children of different ages may react to being told that someone close to them has cancer.
Having a little inside information may help you to think about what is right for your children. No parent wants to have to tell their children that someone they love dearly has been diagnosed with cancer, what that means and how the treatment is likely to have some impact on all family members. Having a little insight into how they might react could be useful. Macmillan has a useful webpage “Understanding children’s and teenager’s reactions” with considerations to take into account for different age groups and suggestions for where additional emotional support may be obtained.
How you may talk to your children or teenagers about you or someone having cancer.
The Macmillan booklet Talking to children and teenagers includes advice on;
Why talking to them can help
The benefits of talking
Preparing to tell your children
Having the conversation
Who else needs to know about your cancer?
Listening to children’s fears
How children might pick up on things not being right, if you don’t talk
How to seek advice and take your time
General advice
What to tell your children
About good and bad cells in your body
Children’s common misunderstandings
Talking to your child’s teacher
Similar information and advice has been written by Cancer Research UK and can be accessed by clicking here Cancer Research - Talking to children
Autism
If your child is on the Autistic spectrum and you need help to talk and support your child:
Helpline: 0808 800 4104 Mon to Thurs 10am – 4pm, Fridays 9am – 3pm.
Website: autism.org.uk
BUPA
BUPA (British United Provident Association) provides private health care.
On a section of their website Helping children understand cancer you will find a set of 4 illustrated booklets that you can view or download to give to children aged 7- 11 years.
Created with the advice of cancer specialists and families affected by cancer, they will help explain cancer to children clearly and sensitively.
The booklets are full of advice and information – from ideas for dealing with feelings to simple explanations about what cancer is and the different types of treatments. They include contributions from children who have been in a similar situation, aiming to help reassure young readers that they’re not alone.
What does it mean? – Explains what cancer is and some common worries
Visiting Hospital – Explains types of treatments
Life at Home – Explains some of the side effects and types of cancer and how children might like to help out at home
An Activity Book – Full of all kinds of fun things to do at home or while visiting the hospital
Resources for emotional support and wellbeing
Childline
This is so much more than a helpline; it offers so many ways to help children feel safe and less sad or anxious. Whilst this site is not specific about cancer support there are some really good tools below that your child or teenager may find helpful.
Helpline: 0800 1111 (from Midnight to 7.30am there is a slightly different service.)
Website: childline.org.uk
Childline Calm Zone
There are all kinds of activities/suggestions that might help a child or young person to feel calm and safe;
Suggested activities that may help your child feel calmer
Helping your child with some breathing exercises
Helping your children express themselves with different activities
Helping your children to express themselves
There are also games that children could play, including the Wall of Expression.
Coping Videos
The Childline site includes some coping videos to help when a child/young person needs to find ways of coping with sadness, stress, feeling anxious or just to distract from the moment, including:
Calming exercises- done by teenagers
Creative ideas
How to start writing poetry
A message board
Ask Sam - write to ‘Sam’ about your worry
All of these resources can be found at Childline- Calm Zone
Rip Rap
Rip Rap is a site for teenagers who have a parent with cancer. This site allows them to be in contact with others going through a similar experience and includes;
A forum and advice column
Information about living with cancer
Advice for when a parent recovers from cancer - called “Moving On”
A section relating to the death of a parent from cancer
Creative corner
General information about cancer, the different types of cancer, treatments and FAQ
Website: Rip Rap - Support for Teenagers who have a parent with cancer
Hope Support Services
UK charity supporting young people aged 5-25 when they have a loved one who is seriously ill. There is online support via a closed Facebook page or a one-to-one confidential chat can be arranged with a trained professionals via Facebook Messenger or via Skype.
On the website it gives details of group chats for:
Year 10’s and 11’s
College students
Telephone: 01989 566317
Main website: hopesupport.org.uk/
Email: help@hopesupport.org.uk
The Hope Support website also provides useful help and advice for university students if they have to leave home for university at a time when someone close to them is ill.
It covers subjects such as:-
Leaving home when someone is ill
Things to consider if leaving home at a difficult time
Living away from home
Negotiating a plan with your family
Communicating with your University
Taking care of yourself
Dealing with responsibility
Visiting home
Keeping an eye on the positives
Hope Support - You can chat privately to their online support team or join the community of young people across the UK who genuinely understand what you’re going through.
Student Minds
Student Minds is the UK’s student mental health charity. They empower students and members of the university community to look after their own mental health, support others and create change.
Website: Student minds - Support for you, a friend or a parent
Kooth
A mental health and wellbeing platform for children and young people. It gives children and young people easy access to an online community of peers and a team of experienced counsellors. Access is free, there are no waiting lists, no costs and complete anonymity.
Telephone 0203 984 9337 Website: www.kooth.com
Parents can email them here.
Relate (North East London and Essex)
Counselling for children and young people.
There is also a directory of counsellors.
We understand there may be costs for this Service - please enquire.
Family Counselling services: 01708 441 722 Website: relatelnee.org.uk/services/children-and-young-people
Email: counselling@relatelnee.org.uk
Young Minds
If you’re struggling with your feelings, you're not alone. We have loads of practical tips and advice from young people just like you, as well as information on getting the support you need.
There is also a section for parents – “A parent’s survival guide”. This is not specific to cancer but has some useful information about supporting your child if you think they may be unhappy, or you are worried about their behaviour. It helps to give support to you too and guidance on looking after yourself.
Website: youngminds.org.uk
Regional Cancer Support and Information Centres
This may be really helpful if your teenager/ young person is living away and needs to access support in their area. Not all centres are run by Macmillan, so if there is no centre highlighted it is worth contacting their local hospital and asking.
Website: macmillan.org.uk
Max Card
The Max Card is the UK’s leading discount card for foster families and families of children with additional needs. Families can use their Max Card at venues across the UK to get free or discounted admission.
Website: mymaxcard.co.uk
Mindfulness
This is a way of relaxing the mind and being in the moment; a way of emptying the mind of all those busy thoughts. This goes for children and young people too, especially in these days of electronic games and TV that don’t really relax their minds. If they are finding it hard to cope with their feelings right now, you might find mindfulness could help them and maybe you too.
Lots of schools are introducing mindfulness into the school day, so you could ask the school for more information.
Mindfulness videos for children/teenagers on YouTube
There are lots of short videos suitable for a variety of ages. There may be Information that might not be appropriate for your child/teenager, so if you choose to let your child/teenager watch any of the links we have listed below, please first watch it yourself, ensuring you feel it is suitable for them. It is best always to supervise your child/teenager while they are on YouTube unless you have activated the parental control on the device.
Suitable for 4 to 10-year-olds and lasts 5 mins. Cosmic Kids YouTube has a cartoon character called Jack who demonstrates a breathing technique in the video. He visualises a pond with lots of fish swimming around. The fish have different feelings and Jack shows how children can focus on the pond rather than the fish and their feelings. If the child is feeling angry it helps them to refocus.
Suitable for 3 to 5-year-olds, it lasts 3 mins. Mindful Ozzy (an owl) talks about the superpower of mindfulness and explains it is all about breathing.
Suitable for 6 to 12 year olds and lasting 14 mins, this video is guided imagery of fish swimming around in the sea, with a narrator taking you through the Mindfulness breathing technique. Watch the fish swimming around while she talks about breathing in happiness, joy and peacefulness while breathing out sadness, anger fear or hurt. She lets them feel safe, assuring them that she will stay with them until she wakes them up at the end.
Young Carers
Young carers are children and young people under 18 years old who provide regular and on-going care to another person who is physically or mentally ill, disabled or misuses substances.
Young adult carers are aged between 16 and 24, and can also access support from local services. Many young people don’t see themselves as carers and may not realise there is practical and emotional support available in Essex.
You may be a young carer if you:
• care for a family member, because of illness, disability or old age
• help someone with bathing or dressing, going to the toilet or getting into/out of bed
• need to cook for your family
• look after money or organise the family budget
• help anyone to take medication regularly
• collect prescriptions or benefits on behalf of someone else or go shopping for the family
• look after brothers or sisters, by taking them to school, doing their laundry, or cooking their meals
• take care of housework, such as dusting, hoovering, washing or ironing
• speak on behalf of someone who has difficulty speaking or communicating for themselves
• translate or interpret for someone at home
Essex County Council Youth Service
Essex County Council Youth Service offer free personalised support to young carers and their families that will be developed with you around your need for help and the caring you do.
The service offers:
• Confidential one-to-one support with a dedicated key worker in the area you live, including telephone support.
• Information, advice and guidance and assisting you to access other services to support you as a young carer.
• Training opportunities e.g. moving people safely, building confidence and self-esteem, fire safety and access to counselling services if needed.
• Recreational activities to take you away from your caring role and meet other young carers and make new friends.
• Transition to adult carer services as you come up to 18.
Families or young carers themselves can self-refer or a referral can be made by professionals including GP’s, NHS staff, Social Workers and Teachers. This can be done via our online form or by emailing young.carers@essex.gov.uk
Website: Essex Youth Services
Action for Family Carers (Essex)
Making a positive difference to the lives of Carers and Young Carers in Essex. They support for children and young people aged under eighteen whose life is in some way restricted due to a caring role.
Website: affc.org.uk
Tel: 0300 7 70 80 90
Email: info@affc.org.uk
Carers First (Essex)
Support, information and advice for Carers.
Website: carersfirst.org.uk/young-carers
NHS UK (Help for Carers)
This website page includes links to various sources of information and advice for Carers.
End of life and Bereavement Support
This section contains information for adults who are supporting children or teenagers when someone close to them is near the end of their life or they have been bereaved.
St Helena Hospice
Helping local families face incurable illness and bereavement. They help local people face incurable illness and bereavement, supporting them and their families, friends and carers. They offer bereavement support to children and young people up to the age of 17 for those whose loved one has died after receiving hospice care. Support can either be individual or as a family group, depending on the age of the child / young person. However, children under five will be supported via their parent / guardian or within their family unit and not individually. They can also provide information and advice to families and schools on how to support children following the death of a parent or grandparent.
Website: sthelena.org.uk
Telephone: 01206 845 566
Email: enquiries@sthelena.org.uk
Marie Curie
Marie Curie offers care and support through terminal illness. The Marie Curie website has many useful resources about talking to children when someone close to them has been told that they are near then end of their life.
Marie Curie: Recently diagnosed, select the link “talking to children”. Here you will find a range of pages of information, including:
Marie Curie: Telling a child someone is dying
Marie Curie: How children might react
Marie Curie: Questions children may ask when someone’s ill
Marie Curie: Practical ways to support children
Marie Curie: Preparing a child for when someone dies
Marie Curie also offer a Support Line for emotional support if you are living with or caring for someone who has a terminal illness. Tel: 0800 090 2309
The Marie Curie website has many useful resources about talking to children when someone close to them has died.
Marie Curie: When someone dies, select the link “supporting a child when someone dies”. Here you will find a range of pages of information, including:
Marie Curie: How grief may affect children
Marie Curie: Questions children may ask
Marie Curie: Talking to children about death
Marie Curie: How to include a child in a funeral
Child Bereavement UK
The link below will take you to a video that you may find helpful in preparing to talk to a child or teenager where someone close to them is not expected to live.
Child Bereavement UK: When a parent is not expected to live
This organisation also provides a wide range of support, information and resources to help children and young people, parents and families rebuild their lives when a child grieves.
Useful videos:
Child Bereavement UK: Telling a child that someone has died
Child Bereavement UK: How do I explain a funeral to a young child
Website: Child Bereavement UK
Tel: 0800 02 888 40 (9am-5pm Mon-Fri)
Winston’s Wish
Winston’s Wish provides bereavement support to children, young people and their families, along with online resources for professionals. Contact can be made by calling the Winston’s Wish helpline, email or online chat.
Helpline: 08088 020 021 (Monday-Friday 9am-5pm)
ASK email service is a UK-wide national email service, offering support, information and advice to anyone seeking it. It is staffed by people with extensive experience, who have up-to-date knowledge of supporting bereaved children and their families.
Online chat (Tuesday 1-5pm and Friday 9:30am-1pm)
Website: Winston’s Wish
Useful resources:
Winston’s Wish: How to prepare a child for the death of a parent by cancer.
This webpage contains a range of ideas, guidance and links to resources, including a booklet produced jointly by Macmillan and Winston’s Wish, “Preparing a child for loss”
Winston’s Wish: 10 ways to remember people on special days when someone close has died.
Young Minds
Young Minds is an organisation that aims to make sure that young people get the best possible mental health support and have resilience to overcome difficulties. The website recognises that everyone reacts in their own way, and provides guidance on where to get help if you’re finding it hard to cope. The site includes a short video by young people for young people.
Website: Young Minds: Grief and loss
Resources for Teachers
Child Bereavement UK
Child Bereavement UK offers information, guidance and resources for teachers and schools who are supporting a child or teenager who has a person close to them who is terminally ill or has died.
Child Bereavement UK: What we provide for the education sector
Child Bereavement UK:
Website: Child Bereavement UK
Tel: 0800 02 888 40 (9am-5pm Mon-Fri)